TimeWaster

Dogs and Plasma

I've always heard that dogs can't see what's on television.  That they can tell maybe there's some lights or some glowing from a TV set, but other than that, they can't actually make out what's on it.

But I think it's time to re-evaluate this in light of plasma screen TV's.  The majority of my day is spent on my couch, with the TV on, and my dog at my side.  And every single time there's another dog on the TV screen, my dog goes nuts.

And it's hysterical.

He runs over to the screen, growls at it, jumps up and stands along the TV stand and barks like crazy.  And when the dogs go away, he races around the house looking for where the dogs went.  

The other great thing now is that he's recognized sounds from ads featuring dogs.  So even if he's not around and there's an ad with a dog on TV, he'll start growling and running in from out of the room.  

We Can Put A Man On The Moon...

With iPods, iPhones, wireless internet, electric cars, and tons of other cool technological advancements I can't afford, why is it that umbrella technology hasn't changed in 9,000 years?

Here's my problems - umbrellas don't work.  Well, okay - they do work in keeping my head dry.  But I've got 90% more body to consider.  And I also have hoods and hats and old newspapers that can do the same thing, and those aren't completely ungainly to carry around and splatter water all over the inside of my car or drip all over the inside of my house.

Bottom line America - we need to stop worry about rising gas prices and start worrying about how we can keep me dry the 4 days out of the year it rains in Los Angeles.

I'm Probably Not Covering Any New Ground Here...

But I just heard about American Airlines instituting a $15 a bag policy for people who fly on American.  The spokesperson said the reason is because of high fuel prices - the high cost of fuel is going to cost them an extra $3 million per year.

Yet in the same exact report, the American spokesperson mentioned that this $15 extra charge is expected to raise hundreds of millions of dollars for the airline.

So even if they only charged us, say, $7.50 per bag, they'd still make 10 times what it's going to cost them with the extra fuel costs. 

I guess we should be thankful they're being upfront with us?

What Choo Talkin' Bout, Oscar?

There are few things in life better than the "Diff'rent Strokes" reruns on BET from noon to one.

A lot of the fun of watching these episodes is remembering what was going through my head when I first saw these shows when they originally aired. For instance, the episode that's on right now - Mr. Drummond donated $100,000 to a local charity. So what does he get in return for his good deed? A phone call from a sniper across the street from his penthouse apartment, claiming he'll shoot one of the Drummond clan if he doesn't pay some sort of extortion fee.

I still remember watching this as a kid and thinking "Holy shit these guys are fucked." Yeah, I wasn't the brightest kid.

Something that I don't feel like has been properly addressed with regards to Diff'rent Strokes is - what was Mr. Drummond doing to all his house keepers!?! I mean, Arnold and Willis were the kids of his long time house keeper until she died (which is why he brought them in to live with them). Then he had Mrs. Garrett, who obviously bolted to run some all-girl's school and later Edna's Edibles.

Then there was Adalaide, the old cute sassy housekeeper. And with no explanation, she was gone and Pearl showed up.

Just what the hell was Mr. Drummond doing to all his housekeepers? I like to imagine a Rob Lowe situation going on here.

But my favorite has to be the episode that aired before this one. An episode I fondly recall, and occasionally - when the moment presents itself - still use a line from. It's an episode where Mr. Drummond's Swedish cousin comes to town with her son. In true 80's sitcom fashion, the Swedish cousin was played by Conrad Bain in drag, and the son was played by Dano Plato (also in drag as a guy).

Two great revelations about this episode -

1) Not even the canned laughter or studio audience thought the line I've been using for 20 odd years was really that funny. Consider that joke dropped from the repertoire.

and, more surprisingly:

2) The episode, with the lamest plotline in history, was written by Paul Haggis. Yes, the 2 time Academy Award winning writer of "Million Dollar Baby" and "Crash".

I guess the lesson here is - never give up.

That Didn't Come Out Right

Listening to Doug Collins call game 2 of the Lakers-Jazz series. I know these guys are just talking off the top of their heads, but as Derek Fisher hits a big 3 pointer, Doug Collins says "Derek Fisher! Wow, how much fun would it be to play on a team with that guy? He is just all about winning!"

Uh...yeah, that doesn't sound like too much fun.